Our family at Matt's Graduation

Sunday, July 4, 2010

This weekend Baby and I are alone packing while the guys are up north enjoying sunny Michigan and its lakes. Daddy called and said he went barefooting. Josiah loved riding in the boat and watching. And Samuel has been a little sick, but still liked splashing in the water with Grandma holding him.

Daddy told Aunt Mindy and Uncle Rick about Baby. When Sue asked Mindy if they planned on having any more kids, Mindy said, "If Matt and Christa will first!" And Daddy said, "Okay!"

So we have begun telling our news to family. Aunt Jennifer was so very excited, as she thought we needed another one anyway. She thought little Lindsey needed a playmate since Brooke has Josiah and Jackson has Samuel.

I have begun feeling nauseas and fatigued. Not a good combo for moving, but so far, so good! The Lord is giving me what I need to get things going.

When Daddy and the boys come home, I will take them on to Nana's and Papa's house and leave him to finish the packing and loading. Josiah and Samuel will get one more visit to Mitchell before heading to their new house in Memphis.

LORD, we praise You for Your faithfulness! You have guided us to this point. You continue to show us step by step what You would have for us. Thank You for opening this fellowship in Memphis. Thank You for a house to move into. Thank You for this baby. We pray You will spare our family the trauma of another early birth. Please keep Baby in until he or she can survive life outside the NICU. Please wrap your peace around us during this time of transition. Go before us on Garden Street. Prepare a ministry for us. Open doors, help us to be sensitive to Your leading. May Your Kingdom by advanced and You receive Glory through our family this year!

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

First Glimpse

We saw you today! Our very first glimpse of a very precious you!

When the Ultrasonographer first found you two small circles popped up. We all thought, "twins?!" But, no, it was you, all by yourself in there. We were so glad to see your small body and your little heart beating.

The Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor who helped during Samuel's pregnancy counseled with us. There is nothing new in the treatment of pre-term labor. It will again be our best educated guesses on treatment each step of the way.

We are praying for a full-term pregnancy for you!

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Mixed Emotions

This pregnancy began and continues with mixed emotions. When we first took the pregnancy test, we promised each other that we would not read a positive result with only negative feelings. We felt guilty that these negative emotions were so strong. This was a life...shouldn't we be excited and overwhelmed with love for this little one?

Over the past week we have been sorting through these emotions. We've come to the conclusion that our sorrow, dread and disappointment are not directed at Baby at all. We are mourning the change of our plans and the suffering that will most likely come. This has eased our sense of guilt. We still delight in knowing God formed a life out of the two of us! We love the thought of a third child filling out our family, adding those character traits that only this little one could.

The one aspect of this yet to be figured out is how to bond with a child we may never know outside of the womb. We know the more we bond, the more sorrow and suffering we may endure. This is a reality we must face everytime we imagine that extra set of footprints sounding through our house, making imprints in the sand alongside Samuel and Josiah.

"My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139:15-16. God knows and treasures this child even now, yet unformed. Whatever lays ahead for him does not deter the interaction He has now with His precious one.

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11. Whatver lay ahead, I am called to love this life and trust that all the future holds can be used for eternal prosperity, hope and a future!

LORD, our Provider and Creator, please guide our hearts to treasure the life you have given this small child. Please help us not detach ourselves in order to protect our hearts. Help us to love with Your love, being willing to grieve and celebrate as You would bring forth.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Standing on the Edge

We've come to the edge. The jump before us is inevitable. We must leap. For the moment, we wait. Only the realization that there is no turning back, that it is impossible to wait forever, disturbs the calm. Life has begun. Already our third child is growing. Those two little footprints forever leaving an imprint on our lives.

After two 26 weekers we know the journey the Lord has carried us through before. We know, barring His intervention, how the story will likely go this time: A pregnancy cut far too short; a tiny, immature life thrust into the world far before it is able to survive alone; those small bodies enduring so much trauma and insult. After months in a NICU, we were elated to bring home two healthy babies.

What will the leap look like for this child? Will he or she be born before viability begins? Will he make it to 23 weeks only to suffer too greatly, passing away later? Will she survive, only to carry lifelong injuries? Will we wait as baby endures the NICU? Will baby receive a miraculous full-term pregnancy - a gift from God?

We choose to celebrate your life, Baby. However long, however short, we thank God for your life. We are already praying for you.