Graduation

Graduation
Our family at Matt's Graduation

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

First Glimpse

We saw you today! Our very first glimpse of a very precious you!

When the Ultrasonographer first found you two small circles popped up. We all thought, "twins?!" But, no, it was you, all by yourself in there. We were so glad to see your small body and your little heart beating.

The Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor who helped during Samuel's pregnancy counseled with us. There is nothing new in the treatment of pre-term labor. It will again be our best educated guesses on treatment each step of the way.

We are praying for a full-term pregnancy for you!

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Mixed Emotions

This pregnancy began and continues with mixed emotions. When we first took the pregnancy test, we promised each other that we would not read a positive result with only negative feelings. We felt guilty that these negative emotions were so strong. This was a life...shouldn't we be excited and overwhelmed with love for this little one?

Over the past week we have been sorting through these emotions. We've come to the conclusion that our sorrow, dread and disappointment are not directed at Baby at all. We are mourning the change of our plans and the suffering that will most likely come. This has eased our sense of guilt. We still delight in knowing God formed a life out of the two of us! We love the thought of a third child filling out our family, adding those character traits that only this little one could.

The one aspect of this yet to be figured out is how to bond with a child we may never know outside of the womb. We know the more we bond, the more sorrow and suffering we may endure. This is a reality we must face everytime we imagine that extra set of footprints sounding through our house, making imprints in the sand alongside Samuel and Josiah.

"My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139:15-16. God knows and treasures this child even now, yet unformed. Whatever lays ahead for him does not deter the interaction He has now with His precious one.

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11. Whatver lay ahead, I am called to love this life and trust that all the future holds can be used for eternal prosperity, hope and a future!

LORD, our Provider and Creator, please guide our hearts to treasure the life you have given this small child. Please help us not detach ourselves in order to protect our hearts. Help us to love with Your love, being willing to grieve and celebrate as You would bring forth.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Standing on the Edge

We've come to the edge. The jump before us is inevitable. We must leap. For the moment, we wait. Only the realization that there is no turning back, that it is impossible to wait forever, disturbs the calm. Life has begun. Already our third child is growing. Those two little footprints forever leaving an imprint on our lives.

After two 26 weekers we know the journey the Lord has carried us through before. We know, barring His intervention, how the story will likely go this time: A pregnancy cut far too short; a tiny, immature life thrust into the world far before it is able to survive alone; those small bodies enduring so much trauma and insult. After months in a NICU, we were elated to bring home two healthy babies.

What will the leap look like for this child? Will he or she be born before viability begins? Will he make it to 23 weeks only to suffer too greatly, passing away later? Will she survive, only to carry lifelong injuries? Will we wait as baby endures the NICU? Will baby receive a miraculous full-term pregnancy - a gift from God?

We choose to celebrate your life, Baby. However long, however short, we thank God for your life. We are already praying for you.